So what do I want exactly?

I'm not who I thought I was. I thought I was an intellectual, but actually I'm an artist who thinks. I thought I was weak but actually I have an eating disorder. I thought I was ugly and unfeminine but actually I think I'm just different. I thought I was lacking in determination, but actually I have never given up believing that things could be better, and trying to make them so. I thought I was cowardly and had settled for 'good enough' - but actually I am brave enough to think and try new things.

Its taken me a long time to reach these conclusions - I've been finding out slowly over the last ten years or so. Recently, I have been watching the rise of new ways of thinking about what constitutes a 'good life', and I have been informed and influenced by those attempting self-sufficiency, practising thrift and living ethically and as lightly as possible. Their examples have given me inspiration, confidence and know-how. But I have increasingly come to understand that creativity is also a vital part of my life, and that without it I am dull and drained.

So that's what I want - to find ways in which to incorporate creativity, thrift, environmental awareness and a measure of self-sufficiency into my daily life. I also want to 'live my life with arms wide open' by which I mean to keep my mind open to new people and new experiences and to keep learning all the time.

There's a complication,in that my family are not completely with me in this endeavour. Left to myself, I would like to make big changes - I've always been interested in communal living, for example, but my partner is not. Similarly, I would like to radically reduce our outgoings so that we can pay off our mortgage as fast of possible, as I feel that this would give us far greater choice about what we do with our lives, but my partner needs to have some money to follow his own creativity and I could not deny him that. So for now I am constrained by need to work (part-time) and to live here (close to the school), and my partner's need to work full-time.